Haldol Hal

I did go back to the personals. Found out what a CD is.

A few of the personals seemed interesting, but I think I need a break. I am just tired of everything being difficult and I am really, really flawed. I am tired of hiding that, too. I don't expect to meet someone flawless, but the general level of disturbia is profound. It takes a lot of energy to protect yourself.

That guy Will was f-ed up. The other guy - the one who was sending me movies of himself - was also f-ed, but in a different way. I suspect they both had plans to cage me in the basement of an abandoned farm house.

Recently, a guy named George wrote a succinct ad and I answered it. He responded and sent me his phone number. Having learned my lesson from Crazy Lee, I did a reverse lookup. Googled his name. Found he is looking for a room mate in his luxury town house. The ad for a room mate references his web site. So I went there.

Uh-oh. The web site is a chaotic word salad of accusations about people broadcasting his thoughts, rants about vitamins, and theories about Barack Obama's geneology.

I quote from the most coherent bit:

"Dumb people try to act rich and snotty, ie police with dumb ass MBAs, country hillbilly wanna-be idiots grow mustaches to become 'salesmen'? Talk like idiots, idiots will believe other idiots and very few are genius like myself...Some people say things and I just listen and do the opposite. Fat girls from the Internet try to talk sweet and sexy on the phone. Other normal-cute-sexy girls just talk normal...At the gym, every month or so, they put up a sign that the steam room does not work. Someone poured water on the thermostat and broke it. It's just a lie...."

This is somewhat alarming, don't you think? And as alarming as this is, I can tell you that normally, I would be insulted by the part about the fat girls on the internet. But that's my insecurity. You see how flawed I am? But I've had therapy, so I remind myself that I haven't talked to him on the phone yet, so he cannot possibly be referring to me. Right? Besides, I am only about 10 lbs. overweight. Who would bother to mention this on a web site? It's not worth the trouble. Twenty pounds, I could see. But not 10. You would barely notice 10.

Do you see how tiring this becomes?

I think George is off his meds. My guess is that he has paranoid schizophrenia. It doesn't go well with low self-estemm. Alcoholism, yes. Insecurity, not so much. If I were the alcoholic that Will imagines I am, I would be a good match for George.

He must take Haldol. But only occasionally, like when he *really, really* needs it.