I Love President Obama

I just do.

The Poster Was Somewhat Misleading

I flipped out last night after a singles thing at my church. It was a cross between Night of the Living Dead and the Island of Misfit Toys. There were a few nice-looking guys my age on the ski trip, so I figured I'd try singles to see if anybody showed up. I got there and saw a pretty normal-looking guy sitting at a table, so I filled out a name card and smiled, went over to sit.

First thing, some guy I used to work with showed up, a chubby guy with sweatpants and a buzz cut. He had a friend with him, a woman who later shared about her ex-husband cheating on her with her best friend. They both sat at my table.

After that, a 300 pound schizophrenic chose the seat right beside me. "I just got back from catching butterflies and moths in Venezuela!" he says.

Big wide eyes, pressured speech, grunting noises. The whole schizophrenic drill.

I said, "Oh, how nice...." and scooched my chair away a few feet.

He grabs the papers in front of me and starts shuffling them, mumbling something I couldn't make out. The schizophrenic shuffle. Scared the crap out of me.

Minutes later, a bald woman with very shiny lip gloss joins us. She wasn't entirely bald. Just partially, like in blotches. Finally, here comes a 400-pound man with a big stain on his shirt and a rope holding up his pants. He was bald, too. The top of his head was shiny and pointy, like an oily hard boiled egg.

I started to feel queasy. I glanced over at the normal-looking guy and opened my eyes as wide as I could. Help me, I tried to tell him. He looked back at me and smiled. Suddenly, he was beginning to look like a pedophile. I could just sense it.

The talk was on the topic of friendship. What is a friend? How do you make make friends? They even showed a clip from the TV show Friends. That was the only good part of the night.

So after about 45 minutes - do you believe I lasted that long? - I made a run for it. I just stood up and said, "I have to go."

I was really queasy and panicky, so I ran to my car and called my best friend Sheree. Left a message that began and ended with "Oh my God." If I'd had your number, I would have called you, too. I was just sobbing.

Anyway, went home and called Jack to tell him I loved him. He is traveling and it was the middle of the night for him. He loves me, too, and that helped a little to hear it. Then I had two Bailey's Irish Creme with decaffeinated coffee.

Today I have a headache, but it is starting to go away. Marc says watch the drinking. I know he is right.

Let's Be Adults

I read over my blog post and realized how much of my dreams are about regret. Sadness. Missed opportunities. There is still some hope there, with much frustration and the realization that some stuff has just passed me by. In some ways, I know I am trapped and in other ways, I can still do something.

These past few days, I have a preoccupation with sex and connecting with someone sexually. There are a number of people I could call, but I don't like most of them. Or trust them, either. I need trust. I need to be tossed around, lifted, rolled on. Funny, when I was in Colorado, I fell on the slopes a number of times. One time, this ski instructor just came up behind me and lifted me from underneath my arms. Set me right on the ground, just like that. I had a physical response to it, a wave of erotic and affectionate feelings. I just wanted to unzip his ski jacket and make love to him, right there in the snow. I think he must have realized it, too, because he blushed.

Sex is about that for me.

I ask myself "how complicated can it be?" But I suspect it must be. The last time I asked that, I ended up married to Mr. Meanie. Affection, trust, children, family... how complicated can it be? Fifteen years later, I still sift through it all.

I am contemplating Adult Friend Finder. How complicated can it be?