I read over my blog post and realized how much of my dreams are about regret. Sadness. Missed opportunities. There is still some hope there, with much frustration and the realization that some stuff has just passed me by. In some ways, I know I am trapped and in other ways, I can still do something.
These past few days, I have a preoccupation with sex and connecting with someone sexually. There are a number of people I could call, but I don't like most of them. Or trust them, either. I need trust. I need to be tossed around, lifted, rolled on. Funny, when I was in Colorado, I fell on the slopes a number of times. One time, this ski instructor just came up behind me and lifted me from underneath my arms. Set me right on the ground, just like that. I had a physical response to it, a wave of erotic and affectionate feelings. I just wanted to unzip his ski jacket and make love to him, right there in the snow. I think he must have realized it, too, because he blushed.
Sex is about that for me.
I ask myself "how complicated can it be?" But I suspect it must be. The last time I asked that, I ended up married to Mr. Meanie. Affection, trust, children, family... how complicated can it be? Fifteen years later, I still sift through it all.
I am contemplating Adult Friend Finder. How complicated can it be?
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