On Saturday I went to the movies with a guy that I have been corresponding with. He seems really nice. He is recently divorced, like in the past few months. He has two older kids. I told him I didn't want to get into a relationship. But I like him and I want to hang out with him. Maybe in a few months. I don't think it's good to dive in deep with someone who's right out of marriage, plus, now I am going through a "leave me alone" period. Anyway, I had fun and I could tell he found me attractive. This is what I have been doing lately: eating M&Ms and dressing dumpy. No makeup. Sleeping. It's not good for my inner girly girl. She feels like a frump.
Anyway, I had been trying to get fat again, but back I'm back on my diet. And exercise. It will come off. It always does.
Do you know what this is about? I get fat so I can say no. When my body is unattractive, fewer men are interested in me. It drastically narrows the choices I have to make. And then if anyone does get interested, I am so self0-conscious that I have to say no. I have a focus for my self-hatred: FAT.
This is the life of a girl. I'm not going to do it any more.
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