Mrs. Clean

I am on day 612 of this fasting cleanse, the second day of the liquid portion. I am hallucinating, I think. I absolutely hate it, and I am even cheating. I don't know how other people do it. You're supposed to eat just two almonds. Well, I only put two almonds in my mouth at one time. But I eat a lot more than two almonds. More like two dozen.

Some days I just have the stinky drink, an amino acid supplement that sharpens mental focus, supposedly. I want my mental focus to be so sharp that I can slice a tomato with my brain waves. Like Ginzu mental focus. But right now, I just want to lie down. Other days, I have two shakes and eat a green salad with an egg and olive oil. Maybe a few apples. Lots of water.

I have had no caffeine, which is killing me. In my life as a sloth, I drink a lot of coffee, maybe eight cups a day. I like the taste of it, plus I am addicted. I also drink soda, Mountain Dew, Diet Coke, all that stuff that makes you fly around the moon. I like to fly. I also have trouble with candy… when I can’t fly, I buzz.

I expected to feel better by this point, but I don’t. This would be a good day to go lie down somewhere, anywhere. Yesterday I went for a walk at lunch and I wanted to just curl up in the grass by the side of the road. I didn't even care. Funny how chemicals can control you so profoundly. I didn't realize how much I had neglected my health.

I've been sleeping a lot in general. I don't know if I am losing weight, but I suspect that I am. I have a distorted body image. Everyone is commenting about my appearance, my face and eyes. They seem to be "glowing", no makeup. If it doesn’t kill me, I will pay the electric bill with my complexion next month.